Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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