I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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