so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
