Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
