Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
