dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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