Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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