im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize