i jhust puked up my retainher.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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