I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
where are my eyebrows?
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