Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
