That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
