Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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