If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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