4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize