I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize