Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
