Don't you send me to vm
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
