It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
