im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
