It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
