Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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