The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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