i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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