i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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