Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
