I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize