sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
