I hate your face
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
