someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
