under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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