So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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