i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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