thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
