I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
