she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
