Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
