my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
