It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
