I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
