I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
