4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
