There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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