is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize