i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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