if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
