So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we're making bets on your personal life
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
