I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
