I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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