i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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