Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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