she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You ruined the universe
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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