he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
