Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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