you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
