My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
