Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you win again, gameday.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
