I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
