I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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