girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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