Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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