That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
