I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
