I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
