So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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