is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
